Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Ups and Downs

As many of you know, we've been working really hard on all of our adoption stuff the past month. I have been a terrible blogging friend and haven't kept up with all of you. I've spent pretty much every second of my free time working on adoption stuff.

There have been many positives over the past month and several challenges as well. The distance between us and certain loved ones seems to be growing greater and it hurts me so much. I try so hard to pray about it but I don't seem to be getting anywhere. My therapist tells me I need to protect my own heart and stop spending so much time with people that for whatever reason aren't able to be supportive- not avoiding them just setting limits for myself.

All of the stress of not having the support we hoped for is doing a number on my mental health and spiritual well-being. I made it to daily mass 4 out 5 days last week which was a miracle but I feel so spiritually empty and disconnected. My anxiety has been out of control and I can barely sleep or eat.

Of course this is not to say that we have no support- quite the contrary actually. It's just that the absence of such significant relationships is felt all the more during these important life transitions. I know that unforgiveness can lead to all sorts of spiritual problems and I pray everyday for the grace to forgive. It is so confusing to know what forgiveness looks like when forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation/repair of the relationship.

I could really use your prayers right now. I am praying for you all even though I've been MIA.