Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Ups and Downs

As many of you know, we've been working really hard on all of our adoption stuff the past month. I have been a terrible blogging friend and haven't kept up with all of you. I've spent pretty much every second of my free time working on adoption stuff.

There have been many positives over the past month and several challenges as well. The distance between us and certain loved ones seems to be growing greater and it hurts me so much. I try so hard to pray about it but I don't seem to be getting anywhere. My therapist tells me I need to protect my own heart and stop spending so much time with people that for whatever reason aren't able to be supportive- not avoiding them just setting limits for myself.

All of the stress of not having the support we hoped for is doing a number on my mental health and spiritual well-being. I made it to daily mass 4 out 5 days last week which was a miracle but I feel so spiritually empty and disconnected. My anxiety has been out of control and I can barely sleep or eat.

Of course this is not to say that we have no support- quite the contrary actually. It's just that the absence of such significant relationships is felt all the more during these important life transitions. I know that unforgiveness can lead to all sorts of spiritual problems and I pray everyday for the grace to forgive. It is so confusing to know what forgiveness looks like when forgiveness doesn't mean reconciliation/repair of the relationship.

I could really use your prayers right now. I am praying for you all even though I've been MIA.

13 comments:

  1. I will be praying for you. It was a huge "ah-ha" for me when I realized that forgiveness was more for me than for the other person. I wish I could say that it also healed relationships, it didn't, but it really helped me to be able to deal with things a whole lot better. Not perfectly and not all the time - Easter this year was an epic failure, but overall it is better, and it is worth it.

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  2. My heart hurts for you. I'm so sorry your loved ones aren't being supportive. I will certainly pray for you and hope that their hearts will be changed, especially now when you need support the most. Hugs!

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  3. I am praying for you! It's really hard to not have reconciliation or closure on differences when you've done the work to emotionally and mentally get to that point and your heart is ready to close that chapter. I am praying for your loved ones too - that they may hear God's call to support you and that their hearts may be filled be with compassion for your situation. Hugs, friend.

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  4. Praying praying praying. I am sorry things have been so difficult. No one's pain or suffering is equal, but I am sure that all of us have felt that lack of support from loved ones at some point or another--it truly is a pain like no other. God is the only one who can heal these wounds, but it does take time. Praying that this time passes quickly for you, and that you find some peace. (PS Yay for adoption paperwork!!!!)

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  5. Though it's hard, setting limits can make such a difference. I hope it helps.

    If you're feeling spiritually empty, you might want to try look at Mother Theresa's "Come Be My Light." I've found it helpful.

    Praying for you!

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  6. Praying for you and hoping your hearts find some peace!

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  7. That's so hard to have difficult relationships. I had a friendship a few years ago that had all kinds of misunderstanding wrapped up in it...and I didn't know how to deal with all the emotions. Prayers for you for peace especially in this midst of these big happenings.

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  8. I will definitely be praying for you!

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  9. Really wondering how your treatment is going. Would love to hear your progress or what you have done in the last year. I am going thru it as well ttcwithnapro.blogspot.com

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  10. Really wondering how your treatment is going. Would love to hear your progress or what you have done in the last year. I am going thru it as well ttcwithnapro.blogspot.com

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