No I'm not pregnant but I am absolutely elated! After 27 months of infertility and 23 months since I asked my husband to consider adoption, he has finally agreed to submit our prelimiary application! Nearly 13 months ago, I was recovering from my 2nd surgery to treat endometriosis (my 1st surgery with PPVI). The news we received was nothing short of devastating. Despite having had surgery only 8 months before, I had Stage IV endo along with PCOS and endometritis. Of course the doctors were telling us that with treatment they were hopeful we would be able to conceive, and my husband seemed convinced this would be the case.
All I could think about during this recovery was our child's birth mother. I felt an indescribable spiritual pull to pray for this woman that I didn't know- to pray for a situation no one else really believed was plausible. I had a few very holy friends who seemed to understand the depth of what I was experiencing, but many seemed to dismiss me with comments like, "it hasn't been that long. You don't need to think about adoption," or "maybe God just wants you to say yes to adoption and then he'll allow you to conceive." Ughhh. These comments hurt so deeply. So few people could understand. But this all made perfect sense to me. Many months earlier, I first received clarity about our call to adoption and now, in the midst of such bad news about my health, God was calling me, not to pray for healing or conception, but to pray for a woman I didn't know. This was the kind of thing that my spiritual director said has to be from the Holy Spirit. My simple and selfish mind could not be the origin of such a thought. I yearn to experience the beauty of pregnancy. I want to see my husband's face when I show him a positive pregnancy test. I want to know what it feels like to see your child for the first time on an ultrasound monitor. I want to delight in seeing my husband's traits in our children. I long for biological parenthood- this is true. But... I have an indescribable pull toward adoption- one that has been constant and unrelenting throughout 27 months of medical treatment.
I had been following the advice of many wise people in my life- to avoid "nagging" my husband about adoption- to trust that if God put adoption on my heart, He would work on my husband's heart as well. I've struggled these past 2 years to keep my mouth shut about it. We've had about 5 conversations about it. I admit, I was always the one to bring it up, but I tried to be discerning about it. Last night, I felt prompted to mention it gently, and my husband said we could submit our application! I talked to the agency today and they have a 2-6 month waiting list before we can even submit the official application and begin the home study process. This will be a long road but I am so excited about the possibilities that lay before us. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." And we've finally taken that step. Pray for us!