As I a sat on my therapist's couch today, one big ball of tension and anxiety, I finally said it. Tentatively. And with this disclaimer, "I'm normally uncomfortable with any kind of attention..." like a true Irish Catholic, I'm terrified of being perceived as self-centered, "I'm hurting so much and I just want people to see it. I want them to know I'm suffering."
Did I really just say this? Was I going to go straight to hell now? I seriously just said I want other people to know I'm suffering. What's wrong with me?
I know in my heart it's not really about wanting everyone to know. I just want to be able to bear my heart with those I love. For some reason infertility builds walls around you and the people you used to rely on the most. I want to scale the wall.