Sunday, February 23, 2014

Anger and a little insight from another blogger

We are all quite familiar with the 

Kubler Ross 5 Stages of Grief, right? I'm confused about the path I've taken. I feel like I've moved through all the stages except anger, which is supposed to be the second stage. But I think it's safe to say, I've finally made my way around to it. I'm so angry at people for pulling away when I need them the most. 


I was reading Amanda's post (she blogs at truegoodandbeautiful) on 'How TO support a loved one facing infertility' and she has such amazing insight. I was particularly struck by by this:



3. Asking us how they can help.



"This really takes boldness, and I really appreciate it when a friend asks this. Infertility is like being on the cross with Jesus. I am totally linked to him. I am well aware that we are asking a LOT of our friends and family to be near us in the struggle. It’s like when Jesus was on the cross - only Mary, John, and a few women stood nearby. It took tremendous amounts of courage to stay by Jesus on the cross and in turn, it takes a lot of courage to ask people to stand with us while we hang on the cross. Most people won’t have the emotional ability to stay with us, and I know that. But those willing to try and stick near us...I treasure with all my heart because they are far and few between."




People often lack the emotional ability to stay with us. This captures in such a clear and simple way exactly what I've been struggling with-exactly what I've felt so angry about. I don't think I have the mental energy to say much more about it right now but I wanted to share it with you nonetheless. I do want to acknowledge that Amanda certainly seems to have a level of acceptance about this that I don't have right now... One day.

9 comments:

  1. It's taken me over 3 years, but I have finally arrived at anger. It has shocked me how angry I can get and how quickly it can happen.
    Thank you for sharing this link. I'm in the car (The Man is driving) but I will check it out later.

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    1. It's nice to hear you took awhile to get to this phase too. Sorry that we're both dealing with it, but I'm glad we're facing it together in a sense:-)

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  2. I am humbled that you enjoyed the post. Thank you. I like this comment of yours - "Amanda certainly seems to have a level acceptance about this that I don't have right now." As anyone with IF knows...things like acceptance can be fleeting. LOL I am sure when I wrote this I was fine but am also certain days later I wanted to punch some friends and family in the throat. Then back to being fine. I guess that is part of this whole cross and growing in virtue/battling self thing.

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    1. haha glad I'm not the only one that feels like punching people sometimes:-).

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  3. That is so true that of all the people that I know, very few have been able to really be there for me. I haven't been too angry lately, but were there ever times! Praying for you!

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    1. What helped with your anger? I guess one thing I'm learning is that I have unrealistic expectations of other people:-/

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  4. I'm not sure what it says about me, but I spent a lot of time being angry. Even now, I'm relatively quick to be annoyed. (Usually I blame the quick temper on my Irish heritage. ; ))What has made the biggest difference for me in terms of being angry at other people is reminding myself that more often than not, hurtful comments are made out of ignorance, misunderstanding, and trying to avoid discomfort rather than deliberately trying to be mean. Remembering to offer others the benefit of the doubt has really helped me in that regard. In terms of being angry at God, what is really helping is the reminder that "Why?" is the eternal question, one we may never have an answer to, as well as remembering that it's okay to be angry as long as we never stop talking to Him.

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  5. Stephanie, thanks so much for your reply. I really appreciate your honesty about the anger. I have to say, even as a therapist I'm really puzzled by the fact that some people seem to struggle more with anger while others manifest emotion in very different ways. I really don't think it has any reflection on our character; I think it's more of an automatic response based on our temperaments and the environment we were raised in. It's the response to the emotion that speaks to our character. It seems like you have responded in such a wise and mature way to anger. Thank you for sharing your insight. Its really helpful for me to remember to offer others the benefit of the doubt (as I know I need the benefit of the doubt a great deal!). I can be too idealistic and punish people for it. And I understand the Irish heritage:-)

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  6. I really love her post. And I'm glad you made a connection to it. The friends who are there for us to carry this cross with us are truly invaluable.

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